Joke of the Day....

Abdul Al-Amry

2011 RD Indy 500 Winner
Jul 15, 2008
2,298
19
Share yours.....


A man is lying in a hospital bed, clearly in a bad way... oxygen mask, drip, neck splint, electrodes on his temples and chest... you get the picture.

A trainee nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.

He suddenly opens his eyes, grabs her arm and screams “Are my testicles black? You've got to tell me, I need to know!! Are they black, are my testicles black?!!”

Frightened and embarrassed the young nurse calls for help from the Head nurse.

Again the patient asks, neigh begs, “Are my testicles black? I've got to know!!”

Being a nurse of long-standing, the Head Nurse was undaunted. She whips back the bedclothes, pulls down his pyjama trousers, grabs his balls and, yanking them up so he can see them, says "They look fine to me, nothing wrong with them, good pink juicy balls!!"

Somewhat shocked and in pain, the man pulls off his mask and says...

























































"Are my test results back?"
 

Stuart Thomson

The Stoat Without Fear ™
Premium
Jul 2, 2008
15,161
3,354
51
A man goes to the psychiatrist.

He says "Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a dog."

Doctor says "OK get on the couch so we can talk about it"

Man says "I can't, Doctor, I'm not allowed on the furniture."
 

Abdul Al-Amry

2011 RD Indy 500 Winner
Jul 15, 2008
2,298
19
Wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me. "Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed , but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out
at the end of the bed.? He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?" "Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, ........three, four.
Damn, you're right."!
 

Omer Said

Weresloth
Premium
Oct 28, 2008
13,861
4,055
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
 

Abdul Al-Amry

2011 RD Indy 500 Winner
Jul 15, 2008
2,298
19
> Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
> Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend
> I'm mad!"
> He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down and shouts
>
>
> "I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!"
>
>
> Murphy watches in amazement!
>
> The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"
>
> So he leaves the site.
>
> Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
>
> "Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
>
> "I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.
 

Resi Respati

2000RPM
Oct 23, 2008
2,903
24
25
Resi Respati's Jokes of the Day

1.
Toyota
(Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto :nod:)
(Two Old Yamahas On Thin Aluminum)


2. mod 1

 

Omer Said

Weresloth
Premium
Oct 28, 2008
13,861
4,055
Reasons why regular cars are far superior than Formula One racing cars

No door... I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft!

No roof... The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head.

No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player... how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to.

No heating... Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while.

No coffee cup holder... Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other.

No ashtrays and electric lighter...

No windshield wipers... and they expect them to race in the rain?

No windshields... Well, I guess no. 7 and 8 go hand in hand.

No turn signals... How can they indicate they intend to pass?

No headlights... No wonder they only drive in the day time.

Only one brake light...

No anchor for a baby seat... And they are trying to make us believe that safety comes first?

No trunk...

No adjustable seats... (mine goes back and forth, and can be tilted as well)

High fuel consumption...

Engines that don't last...

Tyres that just wear off in no time flat...

Where's the bloody ignition? I guess it's back to the old Model T days when the cars had to be crank started.

No sun visor... Must be fun driving those things with the sun in the eyes. Talk about accidents waiting to happen

:wink::wink:
 

Thomas Hackel

Honk - Forum Games Moderator
Dec 29, 2006
4,036
103
57
Did you already know?

Viagra is now available in two colors.
The blue ones for travel
and
The pink ones for at home.
(They additional make blind.)
 

Gary Lennon

3000RPM
Feb 19, 2008
3,273
203
56
A Scotsman an Englishman an Irishman a Jockey a Priest a Rabbi a Cowboy a Nun,2 Clowns and a Pirate with a Parrot on his shoulder..all walk in to a pub....the barman looks around and says........................What the hell is going on here then??.....some kind of fu**ing joke???....
 

Omer Said

Weresloth
Premium
Oct 28, 2008
13,861
4,055
A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?"
He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match."
But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?"
He answered, "Because there was extra time."