What are you listening to?

FeltHat · Feb 16, 2019

HenkySA · Feb 16, 2019

not a fan of Coldplay, but this song has a very deep meaning.

a week ago, i was trying to commit suicide, because my girl kept avoiding my simple yet stupid request (asking a photo), but the other guys can have it (our relationship is considered as cheating, because my girl is actually engaged with someone), i felt that it's unfair and she hated me, and she kept saying that it'll beyond the cheating boundaries. i understood it but couldn't accept it.

blinded with things all over inside my head, i tied a rope in my room hung myself up, but failed.
it made her very guilty, she ran to me & hugged me. kept saying sorry but how she treated me.

but i didn't realize the reason behind her action because i held a special means for her. she took whatever she did with me as something special and meaningful. A means she wouldn't even consider twice with others.
i realized my stupid action, and realized what i did & what i asked to her was hurting her so much. so i did apologize to her for all i had done. we were crying each other & kept asking apologize each other. and she encouraged me not to do such this thing again.

then, thing were going normal again. but a week later was surprising me. until now. i can't forgive myself for this.
and the worst ever Valentine in my life.
4 days ago, we were talking about chocolate trading. and i couldn't wait for it.
then 14 Feb, (a week after i commited suicide), i went out to other place outside the town, had an business with my friend to open a store and also gave her chocolate.
but at 08:30 AM, she suddenly texted me.
"we'll break up ok, i'm still thinking about what's happened last week. i don't want you to harming yourself because of me. almost every night i was drowned in tears & this stress blows my head off. i'm even afraid to share my fear inside to you darling, because of this"
"i'm even share my feel to someone what if i commit suicide? will darling (me) can keep a promise not to blame & harm yourself again when i'm gone. but please don't blame that guy for anything happen"
"it's been a week i've had thinking about this (commiting suicide). and i want to do it when nobody's home."
"nobody is supposed to be hurt or even suicide because of me, if there's any, it should be me"
"i can stand with this guilty cheating & hanging our relationship like this. i'm loving two guys in the same time, i'm such an evil"
"you two guys are such a great man, you two are deserve far better girl than me"
"thanks darling for your love & your care. forgive me i can only cause you a pain & tears. i love you"

and she committed suicide, she stabbed a knife on her stomach. she passed out with a significant loss of blood.
i wanted to ran & came to her, but realize i couldn't do it because i was too far away with her.
and my body became weak, shocked.
i couldn't think it's real.
2 days, no sign. i felt & stiil feel broken.
"what have i done?"
i didn't want to do to anything. i was & still down in sadness.
my simple request bring me into this situation.
2 days later, i got a news.
she's still alive, but have a fatal wound in her stomach. and she's currently in treatment
i'm happy but sad at the same time, feel shocked.

guys, things that i want to say is, ended your life may end your pain, but bring a new pain to someone you love.