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One Liner Jokes

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Ross Balfour, Mar 1, 2010.

  1. Ross Balfour

    Ross Balfour
    #99 | Roaring Pipes Maniacs

    The best kind of jokes

    Here are some awesome ones:

    What's the hardest thing about having a screaming baby in your arms?
    Having to out run the police.

    Breaking News "Tree Falls On Bank"
    Does anyone know what branch?

    Did you hear about the race between the two decapitated men?
    It was neck and neck.

    Cocaine is never a solution.
    Unless of course, you dissolve it in water

    Anyone got any more?
  2. Omer Said

    Omer Said
    Weresloth Premium

    I found a website with oneliner jokes. And i copied the first ones i saw there :biggrin:

    What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

    There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
    The one on the range.

    A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says
    "Hey buddy, Why the Long Face"

    Q. What's pink and fluffy
    A. Pink fluff
  3. Kevin Ascher

    Kevin Ascher
    #47 Roaring Pipes Maniacs

    What were the last words of the co-driver?
    No one coming from the right (left for our Englishmen and Aussies!) Floor it! :D (my own btw)
  4. Rhys Gardiner

    Rhys Gardiner

    What's brown and sticky?

    A stick.
    What's brown, stupid, and is poured over potatoes?

    Thick gravy.
  5. Ross Balfour

    Ross Balfour
    #99 | Roaring Pipes Maniacs

    Whats red and bad for your teeth:
    A Brick

    Why did the girl fall off the swing?
    She had no arms

    I love these :D
  6. Rhys Gardiner

    Rhys Gardiner

    What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

    "Where's my tractor?"
  7. Nick Deeley

    Nick Deeley

    I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way.

    Through the driver's door.
  8. Rhys Gardiner

    Rhys Gardiner

    Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?

    Because it was dead.

    (courtesy of my little brother :tongue:)
  9. Resi Respati

    Resi Respati

    Q. - Why does the Pope kiss the ground each time he lands?

    A. - Did you ever fly Alitalia?
  10. Omer Said

    Omer Said
    Weresloth Premium

    BOY : May I hold your hand?

    GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

    GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!

    BOY : You love me...

    GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??

    BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

    GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.

    BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

    GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.

    BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

    BOY : I love you and I could die for you!

    GIRL : How soon??

    BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

    GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

    SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning


    TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the

    cigarette out of his mouth.

    MAN : You remind me of the sea.

    WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?

    MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

    WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear

    and comes out of the other.

    HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both

    ears and comes out of the mouth.

    MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andrew says I'm ugly.What

    do u think,


    PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

    1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and

    no one else ?"

    Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again


    2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun

    or the moon?"

    Pupil : "The moon".

    Teacher : "Why?"

    Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need

    it but the sun gives us light only in the day time

    when we don't need it".

    3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on

    talking when people are no longer interested?"

    Pupil : "A teacher".

    4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"

    Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

    5) My father is so old that when he was in school,

    history was called current affairs.

    6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"

    Sam : "It's a family tradition".

    Teacher : "What do you mean?"

    Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father

    is a teacher".

    Teacher : "What about your mother?"

    Sam : "She's a woman".

    7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father

    that I've failed?"

    David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared,

    past year's performance repeated".

    8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a

    donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be


    Student : "Brotherly love".

    9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say

    prayers before eating?"

    Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good


    10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering


    Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show

    that nine out of ten people die of the disease you

    have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others

    all died".

    11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of


    One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married

    on the same day and at the same time."

    12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped

    down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.

    Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"

    One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand.

    lol some of them are really epic :D:D:D
    • Love Love x 1
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