So, what made you happy or laugh?

Graham Laing · Mar 23, 2017

Cute, quirky and creative. The digital looping of Kawehi ......

Morten Wernersen · Apr 20, 2017

This (fake) news article about wikipedia using 77million on their page for mayonnaise, haha
http://www.clickhole.com/article/misuse-funds-wikipedia-just-admitted-it-spent-all--5899

Morten Wernersen · Jun 4, 2017

F Is For Family, made me laugh, love the series

Morten Wernersen · Jul 13, 2017

Made me laugh, Full Metal Disney
May contain profanity if you can hear it, if you cant, then there issent any

Roy Magnes · Jul 19, 2017

Roy Magnes · Sep 19, 2017

I just discovered this gem of a series, really loving Christopher Lloyds character

Roy Magnes · Sep 30, 2017

I like going on these tours of older material. Today I re-discovered Buster Keaton

Morten Wernersen · Oct 7, 2017

This guy and his emails, haha

Morten Wernersen · Oct 18, 2017

This! Oh man this, haha

InsaneOzzie · Nov 10, 2017

Why Jesus was an Aussie

Proof that Jesus was Australian:

He wore thongs.
He was a chippy, who like all good union members didn't work on Sundays.
His favourite past times were fishing, camping, going 4-wheel donkeying, and most of his mates were fishermen.
He seemed to know a lot of prostitutes.
His mates all had nicknames: The Rock, The Doubter, Simon Peter, The Baptist, so on and so forth.
The only time he went to church as a young bloke he got into a fight.
He was a champion surfer, it was like he could walk on water.
He did a mean barbeque, 5000 people rock up, no wuckers throw a few fresh caught fish on the barbie, some buns and a bit of mum's potato salad (it's in the Gospel of Thomas, trust me) and bob's your uncle.
No one is exactly sure where he was earning his quid from but he had a mate in the tax office so it was all sweet.
And to top it all off, he turned water into alcohol and if that isn't an Australian miracle I don't know what is!

InsaneOzzie · Nov 10, 2017

Australian Tourism: questions answered
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism website. Obviously the answers came from fellow Aussies.....just trying to help:

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.(USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Roy Magnes · Nov 11, 2017

Victor Borge

InsaneOzzie · Nov 16, 2017

Highway Patrolmens' Balls
A woman in a Porsche, as it happens, was pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer.

When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolman's Ball."

He replied, "No ma'am, Highway Patrolmen don't have Balls."

There followed a moment of silence while he realized what he'd said and she tried not to smile.

Then, without a word, he closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and rode away.

InsaneOzzie · Nov 16, 2017

Speed Camera Revenge
Two weeks ago a speed camera van in Canberra was approached by 4 youths. Whilst the camera operator was talking to three boys about the van's equipment and how it works, the fourth boy proceeded to undo the van's front number plate.

They then said good-bye to the operator, Went home and fixed the number plate to their car and proceeded to drive considerably over the speed limit 17 times through the speed camera radar.

Needless to say, there was considerable embarrassment by Urban services when the computer posted their own speeding fines to the department.

Who said there isn't anything to do in Canberra... -h

InsaneOzzie · Nov 16, 2017

Courtroom Bloopers
Most language is spoken language, and most words, once they are uttered, vanish forever in the air. But such is not the case with courtroom trials, for there exists an army of courtroom reporters whose job it is to take down and preserve every statement made during the proceedings.

Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand Reporter, has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers.

Q. What is your brother-in-law's name?
A. Borofkin.
Q. What's his first name?
A. I can't remember.
Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?
A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name!

Q. Did you ever spend the night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever spend the night with this man in Chicago?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever spend the night with this man in Miami?
A. No.

Q. Now Mrs.Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A. By death.
Q. And by whose death was it terminated?

Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

Q. What is your name?
A. Ernestine McDowell.
Q. And what is your marriage status?
A. Fair.

Q. Are you married?
A. No, I'm divorced.
Q. And what did you husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didn't know about.

Q. And who is this person you are speaking of?
A. My ex-widow said it.

Q. Do you know how far pregnant you are?
A. I will be three months November 8th.
Q. Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th.
A. Yes.
Q. What were you and your husband doing at the time?

Q. Mrs.Smith, do you believe you are emotionally unstable?
A. I should be.
Q. How many time have you committed suicide.
A. Four.

Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A. All of them.

Q. Were you aquainted with the deceased?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Before or after he died?

Q. What happened then?
A. He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q. Did he kill you?
A. No.

Q. Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A. No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q. Did he pick up the dog by the ears?
A. No.
Q. What was he doing with the dog's ears?
A. Picking them up in the air.
Q. Where was the dog at this time?
A. Attached to the ears.

Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
Mr.Brooks (opposing attorney) - Objection your honor. That question should be taken out and shot.

Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Okay? What school did you go to?
A. Oral.
Q. How old are you?
A. Oral.

Q. Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?

Q. ...and what did he do then?
A. He came home and the next morning he was dead.
Q. So when he woke up the next morning, he was dead?

Q. Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?
A. He didn't offer nothing; he just said I could have the furniture.

Q. So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?
A. I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital.
Q. It was covered?
A. Yes, bandaged.
Q. Then later on, what did you see?
A. I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.

Q. Could you see him from where you were standing?
A. I could just see his head.
Q. And where was his head?
A. Just above his shoulder's.

Q. What can you tell us about the truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?
A. Oh, she told the truth. She said she was going to kill the son of a bitch, and she did!

Q. Do you drink when you're on duty?
A. I don't drink while I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.

Q. ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial.
A. The victim lived.

Q. Are you sexually active?
A. No, I just lie there.

Q. Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A. Yes, I have been since early childhood.

Q. The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas?
A. No sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.