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Joke of the Day....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Abdul Al-Amry, Jun 9, 2009.

  1. Abdul Al-Amry

    Abdul Al-Amry
    2011 RD Indy 500 Winner

    Share yours.....


    A man is lying in a hospital bed, clearly in a bad way... oxygen mask, drip, neck splint, electrodes on his temples and chest... you get the picture.

    A trainee nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.

    He suddenly opens his eyes, grabs her arm and screams “Are my testicles black? You've got to tell me, I need to know!! Are they black, are my testicles black?!!”

    Frightened and embarrassed the young nurse calls for help from the Head nurse.

    Again the patient asks, neigh begs, “Are my testicles black? I've got to know!!”

    Being a nurse of long-standing, the Head Nurse was undaunted. She whips back the bedclothes, pulls down his pyjama trousers, grabs his balls and, yanking them up so he can see them, says "They look fine to me, nothing wrong with them, good pink juicy balls!!"

    Somewhat shocked and in pain, the man pulls off his mask and says...

























































    "Are my test results back?"
     
  2. :giggle:
     
  3. Maurice Hurkmans

    Maurice Hurkmans
    RD Travel Expert

    :D :D nice one!!!
     
  4. Stuart Thomson

    Stuart Thomson
    The Stoat Without Fear ™ Premium Member

    A man goes to the psychiatrist.

    He says "Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a dog."

    Doctor says "OK get on the couch so we can talk about it"

    Man says "I can't, Doctor, I'm not allowed on the furniture."
     
  5. What's blue and square?

    An orange in disguise.
     
  6. "Doctor! Doctor! It hurts when I do this!"
    "Well don't do it then."
     
  7. Abdul Al-Amry

    Abdul Al-Amry
    2011 RD Indy 500 Winner

    Wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me. "Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed , but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out
    at the end of the bed.? He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?" "Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, ........three, four.
    Damn, you're right."!
     
  8. Omer Said

    Omer Said
    Weresloth Staff Premium Member

    A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

    The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

    The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
     
  9. What did a boat say to a pier?

    -What's up, dock?
     
  10. HA! (I laughed so hard, my splein asploded!)
     
  11. Abdul Al-Amry

    Abdul Al-Amry
    2011 RD Indy 500 Winner

    > Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
    > Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend
    > I'm mad!"
    > He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down and shouts
    >
    >
    > "I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!"
    >
    >
    > Murphy watches in amazement!
    >
    > The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"
    >
    > So he leaves the site.
    >
    > Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
    >
    > "Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
    >
    > "I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.
     
  12. Resi Respati's Jokes of the Day

    1.
    Toyota
    (Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto :nod:)
    (Two Old Yamahas On Thin Aluminum)
    [​IMG]

    2. mod 1
    [​IMG]
     
  13. Neil Tennant

    Neil Tennant
    @ Simberia @Simberia

    2 fish are in a tank.....one says to the other, do you know how to drive this??
     
  14.  
  15. Omer Said

    Omer Said
    Weresloth Staff Premium Member

    Reasons why regular cars are far superior than Formula One racing cars

    No door... I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft!

    No roof... The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head.

    No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player... how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to.

    No heating... Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while.

    No coffee cup holder... Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other.

    No ashtrays and electric lighter...

    No windshield wipers... and they expect them to race in the rain?

    No windshields... Well, I guess no. 7 and 8 go hand in hand.

    No turn signals... How can they indicate they intend to pass?

    No headlights... No wonder they only drive in the day time.

    Only one brake light...

    No anchor for a baby seat... And they are trying to make us believe that safety comes first?

    No trunk...

    No adjustable seats... (mine goes back and forth, and can be tilted as well)

    High fuel consumption...

    Engines that don't last...

    Tyres that just wear off in no time flat...

    Where's the bloody ignition? I guess it's back to the old Model T days when the cars had to be crank started.

    No sun visor... Must be fun driving those things with the sun in the eyes. Talk about accidents waiting to happen

    :wink::wink:
     
  16. Thomas Hackel

    Thomas Hackel
    Honk - Forum Games Moderator

    Did you already know?

    Viagra is now available in two colors.
    The blue ones for travel
    and
    The pink ones for at home.
    (They additional make blind.)
     
  17. A Scotsman an Englishman an Irishman a Jockey a Priest a Rabbi a Cowboy a Nun,2 Clowns and a Pirate with a Parrot on his shoulder..all walk in to a pub....the barman looks around and says........................What the hell is going on here then??.....some kind of fu**ing joke???....
     
  18. Omer Said

    Omer Said
    Weresloth Staff Premium Member

    A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?"
    He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match."
    But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?"
    He answered, "Because there was extra time."
     
  19. Two cows in a field.
    One goes "Moo!" and the other one goes
    "That's funny, i was about to say that!"

    :O